Staying Connected

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be connected. It's an interesting word--connection--used in lots of different ways. Often it means relationship, or a facet of a deep relationship, as in, "we had this amazing connection". Of course, in that context, it doesn't say much about the other aspects of the relationship such as commitment, integrity, or even health, as it can be all too easy to connect in unhealthy ways.

But connection is core to our lives. We connect through the internet, on the phone, across kitchen tables, through prayer, through compassion, through commerce, through policy and politics, through art and literature, and a million other ways small and large that show our lives to be inextricably connected. We connect through, and also to, the food we eat, the air we breath, the earth that sustains us, the animals around us. Love is, of course, a deep form of connection, but so, I would argue, is hate. We may not always be related well to each other, but still we are always connected.

If it is true, then, that we are connected, why do so many people feel so isolated so much of the time?

This is what I have been pondering.

The conclusion I have come to is that many of us, for many reasons, would rather not be connected. We would prefer to feel that we are entirely autonomous, fairly in control, and perhaps most of all, invulnerable. We would rather not be subject to the hurtful emotions others have surrounded us with, perhaps in our past, or even in our present. We distance ourselves from that which is overwhelming, internally or externally, and I suspect it is important that we do that. For a time at least. But sooner or later the price will become too high for this distance, and isolation is that price. It can be the painful emotional isolation of someone who has never known strong loving secure connection to anybody. It can be the--in my belief at least--spiritual isolation of someone who hoards and stores up resources for themselves so as to never know lack, turning a blind eye and deaf heart to the overwhelming cries of the starving. Maybe they never 'had enough' and now that fear drives them to shove away their connection to others who still struggle. It can be the physical isolation of those so scarred by violence that they dare not trust the world they live in, nor those with whom they share this world, and retreat behind a shell of bravado, recklessness or utter withdrawal.

I suppose what I am getting at is that it seems to me that isolation is the price we pay for wounded connection. Whatever coping mechanisms we need to employ to survive a traumatic situation, it seems that some kind of isolation is often--if not always--a side effect. It doesn't seem a fair price, as most people do not choose the situation that abused them. Abuse of connection, or even, if you will, of our basic created status of connectivity, happens in families, job situations, political situations and economic situations. It happens deliberately and inadvertently. But it's still an affront to, and abuse of, an underyling truth of connection. So I come to think that violating connection is a form of abuse. Denigrating another's intrinsic worth is emotional abuse, and violating their physical body is certainly physical abuse, and sadly we see these things all the time happening around us. We do at least name them as forms of abuse, because, in many cultures at least, we have (officially at least) come to accept that the individual has an inherent worth and certain inalienable rights.

But what about the inherent worth of the simple truth of our connection to others? Does that have inalienable rights?

I'm wondering if it would even be safe to say that most of the human-wrought ills in the world--and even some that seem natural--are a product of abused connection?

Which brings me to the faith aspect of these ponderings. If sin is that which separates us from God (meaning, that is the original usage of the word sin), then what we are once again talking about here is connection. We were connected to God, but then 'sin' got in the way and now--to the degree we live in sin (and no, I don't mean living with someone outside of marriage!)--to that degree we are separate--indeed isolated--from God.

So God is all about connection too, because it seems to me that much of the original theological language is talking about a relationship that mankind was created to have, not just a belief system. Beliefs are easier to maintain than connections are though. Less frightening too.

So, the big question for me is, how is our connection to God--our authentic connection--linked to our connection to others, and indeed our willingness to connect. And, if we believe that God created us, and that God is the author and object of deep connection and connectivity, that human beings--like it or not--live in a deeply connected world, does that endow 'connection' with a specific importance? If this is a 'truth', is it one we pay enough attention to?


PS Hope you all have been having a good summer (or winter)! It's good to be back! :)